breathe.

Inhale.

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I am experiencing my chest ripping into shreds and burning up my throat...

Exhale. 

Yet I am free-falling from a suffocating grip I have been holding on to for far too long.

All at the same time we are living and dying. You choose what you call it, but whatever it is, it's happening. 

I will be honest- I can be jealous, manipulating, angry, sad, sorry for myself, and all of those other ugly things, too. And as much as I don't want to be, I find myself hurting a whole lot more than I need to.

Dad...

 it destroys me.

And it annoys me,

That I can’t tell you I miss you.

There are too many things we (I) want to hold on to. Things we are not ready- and probably never will be ready- to let go of. Letting go is nothing easy to do and, if I may say so myself, it is one of the most painful things we will ever experience in our lives. 

The hardest thing to accept is that the only constant thing in life is change.

Whether we want to accept it or not, things are always changing and what at one time served you well may no longer be serving the same purpose. In the other direction- what at one time you may have hated, you can come to love by simply (maybe not so simply) letting go of a pain you no longer need to be tied to.

Inhale. 

As we take a fresh breath of air, the rich oxygen feeds our bodies and gives us life. But the tighter and longer we hold on to that breath, the staler it becomes... and we start starving. We hold tighter and tighter on to that breath until it feels like fire has set aflame in our lungs. Sometimes, we hold on, refusing to let go, and eventually stop breathing. Eventually stop living and start dying.

But time unties bows, love will come and go.

We say our good-bye, until our next hello.

This suffering results from a resistance to just let go. To trust that we can just let go of that breath, despite how good it felt coming in, and know that life will bring us a new breath... is one big decision. 

Learn to let go gracefully

We choose to suffer by holding our breath. By holding on to expectation. By holding on to what cannot be undone. By holding on to a hurt and not letting it heal. By holding on to a hope that we can always control our situation and our surrounding. 

We choose to suffer, but in a single breath... we can choose to let go of that suffering. 

Exhale.

Let go of what once was that sunny breath of fresh air.
Let the storm rain and thunder around you and within you. 
Let the cold creep under your clothes. 
Let the goosebumps rise from your skin. 

And as the storm quiets (I promise you it will), breathe in the calmness and the coolness of the clarity surrounding you. Let new air put out that fire in your lungs, and feel the comfort of a new perspective. 

Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason. Just breathe. xox