I deserve these blisters on my hands.

This wet, cold hair on my head has never felt so relieving. 


First, because the cold dampness is suppressing the pain of the sunburn on the back of my neck.


And second, because I'm clean and comfortable. 


I washed my hair twice in the shower to rid myself of the dirt, the sweat, and the distance from my usual state of comfort. And here I am, laying in my comfy bed under the soft light illuminating from the pretty lamp sitting next to me. 


While I felt the warm water cleanse my skin, I could only think of the fire and the little girl standing in the smoke with a small bucket of water trying her best to fight the blaze. I would ask her later if she knew why there was a fire. She replied with as much awareness as I. 


The fire was only in the background. Right in front of me was Wilmer. He looked up at me with tear stained cheeks, " Tu vas a volver el otro domingo?"


He was asking if I would be back again next Sunday. I replied with, "No."


But his eyes demanded more from me. I hesitated for a fraction of a second and felt the heavy weight of needing to support myself with an explanation hit the bottom of my stomach. 


"Porque la proxima semana yo estoy corriendo en un medio maraton... tu entiendes?"


He solely nodded and his eyes fell from my mine. My heart sank along with his gaze. I asked him if he was cold. He nodded again and I tried to warm his little arms with my hands.

Anhila (the little girl trying to put out the fire).

Wilmar.

 (must have taken a selfie :P)

Why won't I be back next Sunday? Well my boy... I paid 60 pesos to sign up for a marathon. I've always wanted to run one, and now that I have the opportunity to do one (and in Bogota!! 2 600 meters above sea level- talk about high altitude training!) I'm super excited.

I started questioning. 
Why don't I come back next Sunday instead?
Am I that selfish?
Am I there right now just because I want to say I went?


But, the answer was No.


I was there for Wilmar. 
I was there for  Jenny (a deaf girl- I had a small hand conversation with her today!)
For the brothers (one was named Poncho), 
and for Anhila. 


The reason why I was there today was because I honestly and fully wanted to be there. 
And I wanted to be there because they wanted me to be there.
I expect it of myself because they expect it of me. 


Not because I wanted to "say" I was there, or because I felt I "needed" to be there, or because some one "made me go." 


There's that argument about how people volunteer to fulfill themselves; to make them feel better about themselves. 


But I would like to propose a counter-argument.


As an individual:
I could not control who I was born as. I could not control where I was raised and under what culture and customs I was brought up under. I do not have control over what my country consumes or under what methods other countries produce. I do not have control over the fact that extreme wealth co-exists with extreme poverty. 


But that does not mean my actions are begging for opinions. 


That does not mean I have to devote my life to international development.


That does not mean I take blame or responsibility, because...

Earning blisters on my hands.

 One of the brothers.

 Un Techo T-Shirt.

I am a human and so is Wilmer. 
I am in an individual with my own aspirations and lifestyle, and so is he, and so are you.


We pick who's opinions in our life matter to us.
The people who mean something to us have opinions that matter to us, because their expectations of us become expectations of ourselves. 


Forget stereotypes, forget labels, forget borders.
Go out into the world and meet people who mean something to you; find opinions that matter to you, and shape the person you are into the person you can become. I expect you to.